It is said that priorities change over the course of your life. I believe that is true, to an extent. But, I also believe that friends and family should always remain a priority. When we are younger, our friends come and go as our lifestyle changes and we grow. By the time we are in our mid thirties, we have pretty much figured out who we are and what we want out of life. We also know what we want from our friendships and what we want to give back to our friends.
Sometimes I wonder if “Sex and the City” has given me an unrealistic expectation about my friendships. These four women are always a phone call away. The four of them are always going out together. They get together at ‘Coffee Shop’ for brunch on Sunday mornings. They are together even when they are romantically involved with men. They meet in pairs for lunch. Occasionally one of them has other plans and it is just three. Throughout it all, they nurture and cherish their relationships with one another. It is beautiful, and it just may be unrealistic.
I would love to have that kind of access to my friends. I rarely see them and it is really starting to bother me. I try to nurture and build my relationships with them. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one calling to make plans. When we are together everyone says how great it is and how we should make it a point to see each other more often…but, it never seems to happen.
Do I expect too much from my friends? Maybe I do, but I really don’t think so. I don’t see how a friendship can flourish without attention and contact. Only one of my friends is a phone person, Nina could spend hours on the phone….mostly when she is driving for hours to and from work. It’s never been my thing. I like to meet in person. I like to see the person I am talking to. I want to read body language and experience the relationship with all of my senses.
Do I expect them to be able to drop everything and get together for brunch? Sort of, I expect them to set aside two hours for brunch, but only once a month. This year, I decided it was time to cultivate my friendships after conversation after conversation with each friend about how we never see each other and we should get together more…so, I decided to plan a monthly brunch for my girlfriends and we all agreed to commit the time to attend.
In February, Michelle, Natasha and her daughter Siena, and I met at ‘Crepes et Crepes’ in LoDo. Nina didn’t make it. The second month only I showed up. The third month Michelle and Nina and I met at ‘Great Beginnings’ near Parker. And last month Michelle and I met at ‘Mimi’s Café’ in Highlands Ranch at Nina’s suggestion but she and Natasha didn’t show up. Obviously, my plan isn’t working out very well.
Now, we always have a great time and I love seeing any of my girls, but I don’t understand why we all can’t get together? What is standing in our way?
It seems that work, men, kids, money, and logistics get in our way.
On “Sex and the City” the ladies live in Manhattan, which is a is a tiny island covering just 33 square miles surrounded by the Metro area, which totals 6,720 square miles. The ladies are relatively close to one another. Even when Miranda moves to Brooklyn, she is just across the Brooklyn Bridge from Manhattan. Easy Access.
Denver is sprawling, it is spread out across 159 square miles while the entire Metro area covers 8,414 square miles. Michelle lives in Parker, which is 30 miles south east of downtown. Natasha lives in Idaho Springs, which is 35 miles west of downtown.
Nina lives in Highlands Ranch, which is 20 miles south of downtown. I live downtown.
Michelle has two daughters and works a classic nine to five. Her husband travels during the week and occupies most of her time on the weekends. Of all of us, she needs the girl time break the most! Natasha is a single stay at home mom. She lives with her parents and hates it. Nina works in the entertainment business right downtown, she has a nine to five but she occasionally has to work an event at night and on the weekends. I am a full time student and I work full time.
Even with the distances between us and the life stuff that gets in the way, we should be able to meet once a month!
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
A Literary Salon
I have always wanted to be a member of a literary salon. I am not just talking about an ordinary book club where lonely gals get together to drink wine and commiserate about their lives. I am talking about a salon like the ones hosted by the literati and their hangers on during the high periods of European culture. Often, the mistress of some powerful official or the wife of a professor would host the event. She would invite an interesting mix of educated men and women and they would sit around her salon, sipping on wine and puffing on cigarettes, and discuss the important topics of the day from the latest philosophy to the most scandalous politics. How delicious it must have been to be so completely intellectually stimulated and challenged.
Modern technology and our extremely busy schedules are increasing the isolationism in our country. People no longer gather to discuss and debate much of anything. I can’t even gather my girlfriends once a month for brunch! People no longer have time for a conversation. The newspapers are faltering, giving way to online sources, television spoof news, and info-blogs. Students were once at the forefront of the discussion, and yet, most that I meet know nothing of the headlines today. The average twenty-three minute network evening news consists of six minutes of sports, six minutes of weather, seven minutes of entertainment or local happenings, which leaves just two minutes for world news. I never bother watching anything but the weather. I read the New York Times and BBC World News online edition. I also check the Montreal Gazette and Le Monde at least once a week. But, I have no one to discuss it with. What good is news that cannot be shared or debated?
Putting my modern technology to good use, I found two interesting Meet Up groups in my area. The first one is a French club. It has 296 members and small groups meet several times a month. I’d like to give it a try. I need to practice my speaking and listening skills. I often have difficulty deciphering spoken French…it is so dang fast! The French meet up doesn’t have any scheduled meetings for May. The other group I have heard of before. The group was founded in 2004 and has nearly 200 members. It is poetically labeled the Socrates Café due to the philosophical nature of the discussions. That could be very interesting and very intellectually stimulating. The next meeting is on May 7th. I will plan on going to check it out. Hopefully, it will be just the thing to cure my craving.
Modern technology and our extremely busy schedules are increasing the isolationism in our country. People no longer gather to discuss and debate much of anything. I can’t even gather my girlfriends once a month for brunch! People no longer have time for a conversation. The newspapers are faltering, giving way to online sources, television spoof news, and info-blogs. Students were once at the forefront of the discussion, and yet, most that I meet know nothing of the headlines today. The average twenty-three minute network evening news consists of six minutes of sports, six minutes of weather, seven minutes of entertainment or local happenings, which leaves just two minutes for world news. I never bother watching anything but the weather. I read the New York Times and BBC World News online edition. I also check the Montreal Gazette and Le Monde at least once a week. But, I have no one to discuss it with. What good is news that cannot be shared or debated?
Putting my modern technology to good use, I found two interesting Meet Up groups in my area. The first one is a French club. It has 296 members and small groups meet several times a month. I’d like to give it a try. I need to practice my speaking and listening skills. I often have difficulty deciphering spoken French…it is so dang fast! The French meet up doesn’t have any scheduled meetings for May. The other group I have heard of before. The group was founded in 2004 and has nearly 200 members. It is poetically labeled the Socrates Café due to the philosophical nature of the discussions. That could be very interesting and very intellectually stimulating. The next meeting is on May 7th. I will plan on going to check it out. Hopefully, it will be just the thing to cure my craving.
Men, meet the telephone
I was having a bottle of wine with my girlfriends a few months ago and the conversation turned to men as it usually does. Of the four of us, one has a sexy boyfriend, one is sleeping with her single and very hot boss, one is on Match.com and I am playing the field with several men. Don’t get me wrong; we are all ok with our current situations to an extent. For example, Nina is dating a great guy that loves her, but he really never gives her what she wants. And her roomie is looking for love on Match but hasn’t found Mr. Right, or even Mr. Right now. I am dating several men, nothing too serious, and no one in particular. I refuse to settle for less than I want and none of these men have shown me that they have what it takes to be a great match for me. The one thing that all of these men have in common is that they DON’T CALL.
Some schools of thought say that they (the men) are just not that into us if they don’t call, but others say that Mars needs to be in control and Venus just needs to wait around for them and let them run the show. Modern women don’t like to sit around for any man to run the show, we just go after what we want and if they can’t handle that it is their problem! Men need to catch up and get in the new game. Or do they?
Personally, I have never been good at the dating game because; I am smart, educated, successful, and often impatient and don’t have time to sit around and wait for a man to get it together to pick up the phone and call me when it is convenient for them. What about that is convenient for me? I don’t like to play that game and if he doesn’t call there are other men lined up who may want to take me out to dinner or a show.
Now, granted, this tactic leads to a lot of first or second dates and nothing else…. but, I am also not waiting around pathetically for the phone to ring.
Why can’t guys get this message…Women hate waiting for your call…call us the next day if you are interested…because we are not going to wait around for long!!!!
We know you want to chase us and we know that you need the control but in a day and age when email takes less than a second and I can get my dry cleaning in 12 hours, I expect a guy to call me with in a few days. I am not going to wait for a telegram or the pony express to figure out if you are interested or not. It’s true, when you don’t call when you say you will, I do assume you are just not that into me and I say “well that was nice, but, NEXT!!!” So you lose and I may lose too. By the time you get around to figuring out if you are in to me I have moved on and we are both wondering what could have been.
So. Let me ask you all out there, why don’t men call and how long do women wait for a call?
Some schools of thought say that they (the men) are just not that into us if they don’t call, but others say that Mars needs to be in control and Venus just needs to wait around for them and let them run the show. Modern women don’t like to sit around for any man to run the show, we just go after what we want and if they can’t handle that it is their problem! Men need to catch up and get in the new game. Or do they?
Personally, I have never been good at the dating game because; I am smart, educated, successful, and often impatient and don’t have time to sit around and wait for a man to get it together to pick up the phone and call me when it is convenient for them. What about that is convenient for me? I don’t like to play that game and if he doesn’t call there are other men lined up who may want to take me out to dinner or a show.
Now, granted, this tactic leads to a lot of first or second dates and nothing else…. but, I am also not waiting around pathetically for the phone to ring.
Why can’t guys get this message…Women hate waiting for your call…call us the next day if you are interested…because we are not going to wait around for long!!!!
We know you want to chase us and we know that you need the control but in a day and age when email takes less than a second and I can get my dry cleaning in 12 hours, I expect a guy to call me with in a few days. I am not going to wait for a telegram or the pony express to figure out if you are interested or not. It’s true, when you don’t call when you say you will, I do assume you are just not that into me and I say “well that was nice, but, NEXT!!!” So you lose and I may lose too. By the time you get around to figuring out if you are in to me I have moved on and we are both wondering what could have been.
So. Let me ask you all out there, why don’t men call and how long do women wait for a call?
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