My crazy dating life

I seriously have the strangest dating life of anyone I know. In the span of two years I have managed to attract a fine mix of men. I am not going to use their real names here but to anyone who knows me knows that these titles are very transparent.

The District Attorney (D.A.)
Very nice looking man. He is 54 years old, which I agree is too old for me, but, he is physically active and fairly sharp. He is a classic narcissist and very arrogant. He was fun in the beginning. He has a jazz show on Tuesday nights. He is a pilot (small planes) a kayak fanatic, and way too athletic. He is always nursing some injury. We dated a few years ago but he is so completely unavailable in every way that I finally just lost interest. He still calls me now and then for dinner or some B-list event.

The Wine Maker
Not really my type at all but he makes great wine. He is short, plump and balding with a girly Southern accent. I wanted him as a mentor and he offered to be one. He is from Texas and lives in Northern California where he has been making wine for thirty years. He told me he was separated from is non-understanding, bitchy, wife and she lives in Southern Cal. He asked me to dinner twice and canceled both times at the last minute. His wife was recently stalking me via hate email.

The Professional Baseball Player
I met him in the wine store and began to sell him a vast amount of high-end wine via mail order. He played for the San Diego Padres when I met him and ended up retiring as a member of the Los Angeles Dodgers, after a very successful twenty years playing the game. He told me he was divorced from his model wife because she wanted to raise the kids in Florida and he was transferred to California. He hated her…it was something about a major contract and millions of dollars that she has cost him. We went on a handful of dates. Then his wife intercepted a wine order bill and called me about it…they were obviously still very much together.

The Italian
This guy was a patron of the store. He and his girlfriend have been living together for ten years and she helped him raise his three children. His daughter and I are friends. We had a class together. He is 45 years old. He is a cyclist. He is cute, funny, and usually very light hearted. He is going through a small mid-life crisis. He is, unfortunately, very charming and has many of the qualities I am looking for in a man so it was easy for me to become involved with him. We dated for several months last summer when I thought he was newly single. We shared our dreams and inspired each other. You will get the full story later.

The Spy
This guy was intriguing. He works as a “Spy” for the Department of Defense. We talked about conspiracy theories and went on one very nice date at Venice. He thanked me over and over for the date, and the new restaurant experience, and made quick follow up call for a second date the next day. Never went on the second date and never heard from him again.

The Barista
This married man works at the Market, my favorite café on Larimer Square. We’ve always been friendly and chat whenever I am there. He is a musician so we have that to talk about. He is so not my type; short, chubby, late forties, and he works in a coffee shop. Lately, he has been very flirty. He does landscaping and I gave him my number months ago so he could refer me to a great backyard fountain and Koi pool guy. He won’t stop calling me. He said, “Why couldn’t I have met you when I was single.”
I haven’t been going in for my morning coffee and today when I stopped in for an espresso he gave me the cold shoulder and tried to charge me double. I laughed and left the coffee sitting there as I walked out the door.

The Chef
Heavy flirtation at work with the chef, who told me he is not married and not happy, and only lives with her because she has nowhere else to go…I believe him. I will write more about him later. He is very unhappy at home. But, clean that up before you ask me out. Granted, the restaurant business is laden with constant sexual innuendo and major flirting. Most of the people in the business are hooking up and trading partners on a regular business. It’s a little twisted. But, it can make the work more interesting.

The Kid
After months of being asked out by this young guy I finally went on one date. It was little awkward and I had to lead the conversation. He is a cutie but just not very cosmopolitan. He never called or talked to me again, and made me pay for my dinner. He lives above the wine store so I see him almost every day. He always smiles when he sees me.

The Pilot
My first and only foray into the world of online and long distance dating. He and I carried on by email and telephone for three weeks. There was too much great connection and I felt it was somehow…fake. He became very mean with me and tried to suck me into a twisted mind game. He tried to make me feel like I am less than and bad about myself. Psychotic. He quickly turned out to be very strange, controlling and mean. I ended it and as it ended up; he is was Dom and there is absolutely NOTHING submissive about me! Eew! What is wrong with people?