What is wrong with Married Men

I am not sure what it is about married men, but; they have a thing for me. In the past two years I have unknowingly attracted a whole string of them. I never seek them out and I am not the type of girl to settle for seconds. I may have unconventional views of marriage and monogamy but I’d never force them on another married couple.

When I get into a flirtation with a man the second question I ask them is, “Are you married?” They always respond with a “No,” or something along the lines of “I’m separated,” or “We are getting divorced,” or my all time favorite, “My wife just doesn’t understand me anymore.” One man actually said, “Why couldn’t I have met you while I was still single?”
Let’s see, there have been the Wine Maker, the Italian, the Ball Player, the Chef, and most recently the middle-aged Barista. One thing they all have in common is that they are all in their forties or fifties.

This cute couple always came into the wine store to buy a bottle of Italian red for him and Jack Daniels for her. They were happy, friendly, and interesting. They seemed made for each other. The man is half Italian and his long time, live in girlfriend is one of the sweetest ladies I’ve ever met. A year ago, in the spring he started to come in alone to make their purchases. I’d always ask about her, and how they were doing. He’d always ask me about my studies. I study at work when it’s slow. Apparently, she traveled frequently for her job. As it turned out, his daughter was in one of my classes. He was very impressed that I maintain a 4.0 GPA and I work full time. I guess the daughter doesn’t pull those kinds of grades.

We became friends; talking about hopes and dreams and the future. He wants to travel through Italy and see where his family comes from. He is a cyclist. I suggested he give winery/cycling tours through Italian wine country. I thought he was a great guy; friendly, caring, interested, but involved and in love with his girlfriend….so I immediately put him into the friend category. We talked about the demise of my last relationship and all of the lies and deception I went through. I began to trust him.

When the semester was over he offered to take me to lunch to celebrate my good grades and a much-needed break. We went around the corner to a little place for an alfresco lunch late one afternoon after I got off from work. He was so easy to talk to and we had everything in common. After lunch he walked me to my car, and then he kissed me. I was shocked and very put off by the kiss. I didn’t know what to think. I got in my car and simply drove away.

I didn’t hear from him for a few days. When he did stop by the store he apologized for surprising me with the kiss. I asked about his girlfriend. He said, “We are probably breaking up, and she has accepted a job in Detroit. She is moving there and I am not going to go with her...My life and my family are here...” After a moment, he said, “I’d really like to see you again, will you go out on a real date with me?” I told him I’d think about it and gave him my number. We went out that Saturday night and there were definitely sparks.

We went out for three months. We went for dinner at Via, and for drinks at Samba and the Cruise Room. All summer long we wandered the streets of LoDo hand in hand and made out like teenagers at the DCPA. We were both enchanted. I was beginning to fall for him. We had very hot sex all over his loft; on the kitchen counter, in the living room, in the bedroom, up against the wall...We had long, heartfelt conversations about our dreams, hopes, interests, lives, and our ex’s. The conversation quickly became a “we” conversation. He told me he was falling in love with me and that they were over. Then, one day…he told me that he and the soon to be ex-girlfriend were going to Mexico for a week on a vacation that they had planned before the break-up. I was upset and didn’t understand why anyone would go on vacation with their ex even if it was already paid for.

A few weeks later, after nothing from him, She walked in the store. I was definitely surprised to see her but used my acting chops to cover it up and muster the courage to ask her how she had been. She told me she had been in Detroit for two months working on a contract and that she was so thrilled to be home…

As soon as she left I called the cheating, lying bastard and told him that his lovely girlfriend and I just had a fabulous conversation and she told me everything I needed to know about him. Immediately I stopped calling him and wouldn’t accept his calls. I told him to leave me alone. What a complete jerk. I now realize that he lied to me over and over just to use me for a hot, summer fling. He knew how badly I had been hurt by lying and cheating in my last relationship and he was angery with my ex for treating me that way, but, the entire time we were together he was lying to me as well. That is evil.

Over the last year he still comes into the store and flirts with me and asks me out on the occasional date. He still tells me how enchanted he is, how beautiful and sexy I am, and how much he wants to be with me. He still tries to kiss me. And, until yesterday, it was so hard to resist him. But now, I see him for who he really is. ( A few months ago I ran into her in the park and she told me she is going to Australia for a month this summer.) Like clock work he came to see me the minute she left.

Two days ago, he came by my work and had big tears in his eyes and I could tell he was miserable. He told me he missed me and fumbled around with his words. He told me I looked amazing, elegant and beautiful, and that he couldn’t resist me anymore. He asked me to lunch the following day, which was yesterday. I accepted his invitation and thought to myself, “This is the perfect time to tell the Italian bastard off once and for all.”

Just as I was getting ready to walk out the door for our lunch he called:
“I don’t think we should have lunch today.”

“Why.” I asked, casually.

“Because you entice me, and intrigue me, and you are so sexy that you scare me.”

“What is so scary about me?”

“I want you and I shouldn’t, I don’t know what to do, but we can’t have lunch.”

“Ok, no problem, but, then you need to stop seeking me out, and coming to see me, and calling me. I am never seeking you out. You need to leave me alone.”

“Ok, (followed by a very long pause) are you sure?”

“Oh yes, yes, and you need to delete my number from your phone.” I replied very calmly.

And with that I deleted the Italian from my life. What makes him think that I deserve to be jerked around like that? It was the lies that killed it. Had he been honest things would be different. What makes him think that I don’t deserve more than that? Is it because I am sensual, and sexy, and understanding, and compassionate? Am I just that unattainable wildfire that every man fantasies about but doesn’t have the courage to be with? I guess I will never know. My only question now is, “What in the hell is wrong with married men?”