Monday, June 30, 2008

Assaulted at Work

On May 1, 2008, I walked into at the restaurant on 17th and Wazee where I am a hostess and was immediately told by a co-worker that George Mitrovich was coming in and he wasn’t going to be happy. He is some hideous, self-important, aging, former politico who heads up the Denver Forum. He regularly holds little dinner meetings at the restaurant. He is widely known in the restaurant industry for terrorizing staff members. He makes servers cry and unleashes his venom upon anyone that doesn’t submit to his control. He is actually banned from the Oxford Hotel due to his obnoxiously rude behavior which is directed toward staff.

“Lovely,” I thought, “and I get to deal with him.”
I looked at the reservation board and discovered the source of our problems. George is used to getting “his” room and the Catering Department booked a different party in the room. McCormick’s has several side rooms which can be booked for private events for a fee. George never pays the fee and just expects to get “his” room. Nine times out of ten it is available but that night it wasn’t. I had the busser/table setter person set up a table for George in the Plum Room.

The room George expects is called the Governor’s Room. When George arrived the other party was already occupying the Governor’s room. I was in the kitchen when George arrived and a server showed him to his table. I caught his eye as I briskly walked past the entry way to the room. I could tell he was fuming mad. The telephone was ringing and I had guests waiting but George didn’t care. He rudely motioned for me to join him in the Plum Room. He said, “This is not going to work, we have a serious problem here.” I explained to him that the other group paid for their reservation in advance and it was out of my control. I offered to get a manager for him. He walked toward me and said, “I am extremely unhappy, and you are going to get the brunt of it.” As he said it, he thumped me so hard on the chest three times that he left red marks. Shocked, I stepped back away from him and told him there was nothing I could do and suggested he speak to a manager. He kept talking at me and his vicious words took on a louder tone. By now there was a line at the door and all three phone lines were ringing. I told George that I had to get back to my job and he quipped, “You just don’t care about me at all, fine, fine, just go…”

As I got to the host stand, my ‘Manager on Duty’ finally waltzed by and I urgently motioned for him to attend to George. I carried on with my job. Moments later George slinked up to the Host Stand and said to me, “I hate to be argumentative. We are all friends here,”
I interrupted him with, “If you hate to be argumentative then don’t argue with me. You are not very friendly when you are yelling at me.”
He looked astonished and replied, “If I were yelling at you, you’d know it.”
I replied, “No, George, when you are yelling at me you should know it.”
At that he crouched down, put his face very near mine, and sneered at me, “You’d better watch yourself.” Then he turned on a dime and stormed off.

One of my co-workers noticed I was visibly upset and asked me what happened. I told him everything. He went into the kitchen and told the other manager and the chef. The chef came out immediately to see if I was ok and find out exactly what happened. The managers did nothing; they did not escort him out or even reprimand him for his behavior. They allowed me to be assaulted and threatened for the price of a dinner.

I couldn’t sleep that night. I knew my managers were not going to take care of the problem as they had said they would. I called my friend the D.A and asked his advice. He convinced me to press charges so I called the police and gave them my statement.

Days later, my General Manager apologized to me for what happened and the Director of Catering tried to sweep it under the rug. She said, “You just don’t know George. He is just like that.” She also tried to get me to drop the charges, at one point saying, “George has spent 40 years building his reputation.” To which I curtly replied, “So have I.”

Over the past two months I have never been contacted by the City Attorney’s office until this week. Victims’ Advocacy did call me twice to tell me the case was continued. Ms. Smith, from the City Attorney’s Office called today and wanted to hear my side of the story. I told her the short version and although she finds his behavior appalling and reprehensible, she doesn’t think she can get the charges to stick. Obviously, assault and threats are not important to the City of Denver.

The bastard is going to get away with his nasty behavior again. He has a free pass and I have anxiety and insomnia. She said touching is not illegal, and I said to her, “It wasn’t polite touching; it was aggressive assault at my place of employment followed by a threat.” I asked her how she would feel and she agreed that she would not feel very good about it or about her work if that happened to her. I also expressed my grave disappointment in being completely let down by the system which is supposed to protect the victim but all too often, and in this case, protects the criminal.

Ms. Smith did suggest that my employer is at fault for not protecting me and the rest of the staff from this man and for not stepping up and escorting him from the restaurant when he did assault me. His previous bad behavior is a very strong indicator of his current and future disposition to bad behavior. She suggested contacting the EEOC and an attorney about a civil suit and damages. I tend to agree with her. I feel as though I set up for this situation, thrown to the wolf, and made out to be the bad guy. The way they let it happen, George would be angry with me, take it all out on me, and not be angry with the managers or the catering department who gave away “his” room.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

To Fly or Not To Fly

The D. A. called me last night at 7 pm to confirm that we are going to go flying and then to lunch on Sunday. He has a small plane and a passion for flying. When we were dating a year ago I asked him to take me up. He never did. He is very good-looking and very good on paper with his big law degree and his important job. A year ago I thought we had a spark.

I went to a wedding with him last weekend after months of zero contact. He called out of the blue, and I thought it might be fun to get dressed up for the evening. I was mainly in it for the cake and the dancing. He wanted a pretty girl on his arm and to feel me up. We were almost late and he had to drive like a crazy man.

The wedding was nice, at the botanical gardens. It was a young couple, too young to be getting married. The groom was the son of his work out partner. The ceremony was short and sweet. The reception was inside a large tent with air conditioning, passed hors d’ouvres, a simple buffet, and cheap wine. He is an extremely picky eater, to the point of being rude. “I don’t eat mayonnaise, or anything with mayonnaise in it, or anything fermented, or anything with cheese, I don’t like fruit or vegetables…and I don’t like this or that.” How embarrassing. “Can I have some dried out, plain chicken and bland steamed veggies without any flavor or life left in them…” I guess some people never learned to be gracious and polite.

The band was a great little blues and country cover band. They were showmen and really knew how to work the crowd. It was the high point of the evening for me. After the first dance, the dance floor was packed with young and old people having fun. He wouldn’t even dance with me so I danced alone with all the other disappointed ladies. After the wedding cake was cut we left. I barely had a chance to have a bite of my cake. It was only 9:30 pm. The wedding started at 7 pm. He was tired from kayaking all day. Great, I felt I’d dressed up for nothing.

At the wedding he asked me to go flying with him the next weekend and I told him I’d think about it. He said he’d take me to lunch, like real a date. Friday evening when he called to confirm our date he said I'd have to meet him at the airport because he HAS to go kayaking straight from the airport and there will be no lunch, and we can only fly for an hour.....
Moments later he asked me to dinner. I was walking my dog and I'd just eaten a bowl of lime gelazzi, Oscar had vanilla. Nothing like waiting until the absolute last minute. It always feels like his other plans fell through when he calls me and I am the last minute, backup girl.

Should I go flying or should I delete him from my life? (I actually know the answer to that question.) From his actions I know that we are not and will never be in a real relationship, or even be friends. It seems he only wants physical affection, but, only once in awhile, and when he has nothing and no one else to do. But, when we are together he is affectionate and seems interested. He said he wants to take me to Paris for a week in the spring. He thinks he is very skilled at his game but it is actually completely transparent.

So, he called me an hour before I was supposed to leave for the airport to ask for a rain check. I had no intention of going to the airport. He was busy the day and night before and didn’t get enough sleep, blah, blah, blah. He asked, “Can you reschedule for next weekend?”

“No. I have plans.” With a roll of my eyes.

“How about during the week, are you free in the morning?”

“No. I don’t think so, I work and school is starting in a week, I am really busy.”

“Well, can you at least go to dinner with me this week.”

“No. I am busy all week.” Thinking to myself…I have to clean my house, do laundry, wash my hair, and spend time with my dog and my cat.

“Ok, well, I’m gonna call you and ask you out, it was really great to see you the other night and hold you in my arms for a minute…” (Which is man code for I’m horny and you’re a warm body!)

I hung up the phone. He hasn’t called. I guess I will hear from him in a few months when he has some B-list event and can’t find a date.
Too bad, I won’t be answering my phone next time.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

My crazy dating life

I seriously have the strangest dating life of anyone I know. In the span of two years I have managed to attract a fine mix of men. I am not going to use their real names here but to anyone who knows me knows that these titles are very transparent.

The District Attorney (D.A.)
Very nice looking man. He is 54 years old, which I agree is too old for me, but, he is physically active and fairly sharp. He is a classic narcissist and very arrogant. He was fun in the beginning. He has a jazz show on Tuesday nights. He is a pilot (small planes) a kayak fanatic, and way too athletic. He is always nursing some injury. We dated a few years ago but he is so completely unavailable in every way that I finally just lost interest. He still calls me now and then for dinner or some B-list event.

The Wine Maker
Not really my type at all but he makes great wine. He is short, plump and balding with a girly Southern accent. I wanted him as a mentor and he offered to be one. He is from Texas and lives in Northern California where he has been making wine for thirty years. He told me he was separated from is non-understanding, bitchy, wife and she lives in Southern Cal. He asked me to dinner twice and canceled both times at the last minute. His wife was recently stalking me via hate email.

The Professional Baseball Player
I met him in the wine store and began to sell him a vast amount of high-end wine via mail order. He played for the San Diego Padres when I met him and ended up retiring as a member of the Los Angeles Dodgers, after a very successful twenty years playing the game. He told me he was divorced from his model wife because she wanted to raise the kids in Florida and he was transferred to California. He hated her…it was something about a major contract and millions of dollars that she has cost him. We went on a handful of dates. Then his wife intercepted a wine order bill and called me about it…they were obviously still very much together.

The Italian
This guy was a patron of the store. He and his girlfriend have been living together for ten years and she helped him raise his three children. His daughter and I are friends. We had a class together. He is 45 years old. He is a cyclist. He is cute, funny, and usually very light hearted. He is going through a small mid-life crisis. He is, unfortunately, very charming and has many of the qualities I am looking for in a man so it was easy for me to become involved with him. We dated for several months last summer when I thought he was newly single. We shared our dreams and inspired each other. You will get the full story later.

The Spy
This guy was intriguing. He works as a “Spy” for the Department of Defense. We talked about conspiracy theories and went on one very nice date at Venice. He thanked me over and over for the date, and the new restaurant experience, and made quick follow up call for a second date the next day. Never went on the second date and never heard from him again.

The Barista
This married man works at the Market, my favorite café on Larimer Square. We’ve always been friendly and chat whenever I am there. He is a musician so we have that to talk about. He is so not my type; short, chubby, late forties, and he works in a coffee shop. Lately, he has been very flirty. He does landscaping and I gave him my number months ago so he could refer me to a great backyard fountain and Koi pool guy. He won’t stop calling me. He said, “Why couldn’t I have met you when I was single.”
I haven’t been going in for my morning coffee and today when I stopped in for an espresso he gave me the cold shoulder and tried to charge me double. I laughed and left the coffee sitting there as I walked out the door.

The Chef
Heavy flirtation at work with the chef, who told me he is not married and not happy, and only lives with her because she has nowhere else to go…I believe him. I will write more about him later. He is very unhappy at home. But, clean that up before you ask me out. Granted, the restaurant business is laden with constant sexual innuendo and major flirting. Most of the people in the business are hooking up and trading partners on a regular business. It’s a little twisted. But, it can make the work more interesting.

The Kid
After months of being asked out by this young guy I finally went on one date. It was little awkward and I had to lead the conversation. He is a cutie but just not very cosmopolitan. He never called or talked to me again, and made me pay for my dinner. He lives above the wine store so I see him almost every day. He always smiles when he sees me.

The Pilot
My first and only foray into the world of online and long distance dating. He and I carried on by email and telephone for three weeks. There was too much great connection and I felt it was somehow…fake. He became very mean with me and tried to suck me into a twisted mind game. He tried to make me feel like I am less than and bad about myself. Psychotic. He quickly turned out to be very strange, controlling and mean. I ended it and as it ended up; he is was Dom and there is absolutely NOTHING submissive about me! Eew! What is wrong with people?

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Chocolate Soufflé and Dancing

Last Thursday night, after a busy night at work, my boss invited me out for a glass of wine and dessert. We went down the block to Sullivan’s. I’d never been there before and did not realize there was a happening bar with live music. He must go there after work all the time because everyone knew him and our drinks were on the house. The bar is nice, on the small side with 20 or so cabaret style tables. It is a classic 1940’s Chicago style steak house with dark, polished wood, red banquets, and dim lighting. “Steaks, Martini’s, & Jazz” is their hook.

Several large, muted televisions were hanging on the wall displaying the professional basketball finals. The crowd was an eclectic mix of off duty suits relaxing with martinis, neighborhood locals drinking beer and wine, and restaurant industry personnel drinking whatever the bartender was sending their way.

I had a wonderful Spanish Grenache and he had some sort of whisky rocks. We ordered a yummy chocolate soufflé. It was fantastically warm and light. It was delicately scented with cocoa. There was an elixir of creamy warm vanilla syrup drizzled all over it. Just enough decadent lushness for two…if you are on a fabulously romantic date…I wasn’t.

There was a fantastic band playing called Tito del Barrio Malaga. They are at Sullivan’s on Tuesdays and Thursdays and worth your time. I’m not exactly sure how to classify their sound. It’s this cool mix of Latin Salsa and Moroccan world beat. …
Even the music on break was a great little mix of Motown and Chicago Blues. Very nice, very easy, and very dance-able.

La vie de mon chien

If you have a dog in Denver it’s almost as if you are a member of an exclusive club, and inner circle so to speak. I call these people the café group. On Saturday and Sunday mornings they are found filling up every street side café, coffee bar, breakfast joint, and restaurant scattered across Denver. Dogs are unofficially welcome on most restaurant patios and many downtown boutiques.

I take my little dog, Oscar, nearly everywhere with me. On Sunday mornings we walk across Auraria Campus, along the Cherry Creek path to Confluence Park and back to Larimer Square. It takes about an hour and by the time we get to The Market we both need a drink. I have a cappuccino and Oscar takes part in the communal doggie water bowl. He doesn’t really like to share his bowl with other dogs.

Larimer And Writer’s Squares, between 14th and 16th on Larimer Street, are the prettiest areas in downtown Denver. They are lined with original buildings dating back to the birth of Denver in the 1800’s. The squares are filled with cool restaurants, boutiques, galleries, and the occasional nightclub.

The Market has been on Larimer Square for nearly 30 years. It is a European style café and deli with a great coffee bar. The food is kind of like the food your grandmother would have prepared for your summer family reunion…the ultimate comfort picnic food. They have a large sandwich board and the baristas make cappuccinos with the swirly foam art on top. Very pretty. There are always stacks of New York Times or magazines to read, and the people watching is fantastic. There is an intellectual cosmopolitan edge to the clientele. Now that downtown is brimming with residents the Market has a more prenentious slant that comes with baby boomer wealth, than it had in the past. It used to be intellectual and artistic seedy. I loved it, and I still do…but, it is different.

Oscar and I walk the by Market a few times a week for a coffee and on Sundays we sit and watch the people and watch the world go by.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Style

Style has nothing to do with trend following or what is hot…but it has everything to do with fashion. That may sound contradictory but it isn’t. Style is classic, timeless, and universal, but always with an edge or and unexpected twist. The most stylish women always take something classic and make it unique to them.

Trends come and go relatively quickly. They are modified and recycled every few years. Unfortunately, you can’t really hold on to something trendy in the hopes it will come back because when it does, it’s never quite the same and what you kept always looks dated. Trends rarely look great on anyone over the age of 28 and over a size 6. Trends are for youth, and are the segue into the world of fashion, and that’s where trends should stay. They are not realistic, well made, or comfortable. They are not built to last and that’s ok. A trend is ready made, pre-packaged, exactly what the glossy magazine page depicts tight down to the styled bracelet, shoes and bag. Trends take all of the thinking out of dressing and everyone ends up looking alike. It takes a certain girl to follow trends, and she is usually rich, young, beautiful, and bored.

It is said that style is something you are born with but maybe it’s not. Everyone knows Audrey Hepburn had amazing personal style but she also had Hubert de Givenchy dressing her. Jackie O was also known for her style, created by Oleg Cassini who along with Edith Head, costume designer for MGM, also styled Grace Kelly. Catherine Deneuve was the muse of Yves Saint Laurent. Now, I agree that these women all had remarkable if not slightly similar, and obviously conservative style, but, what about the ladies with a bit more flair and personality?

Iconic European stars of the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s like Sophia Loren, Brigitte Bardot, Simone Signoret, and Fanny Ardent, and modern girls like Monica Belucci, Catherine Zeta Jones, Julie Delpy, and Marion Colitard are all wonderful examples of sexy and stylish women. There is nothing cold and untouchable about these women. They are earthy, sultry, gorgeous, and intoxicating.

Choosing the right style icon for your personality is the key. I love the classic beauties but I don’t have ice princess looks or personality. For me, I look to the sensual, European sex symbols for inspiration. These ladies make the most of their curves by wearing tightly belted full skirts, frilly little tops and high heels, or fitted, dark, boot-cut jeans with a pretty blouse and sandals. Their clothes are simple, feminine, and understated. These women have relatively small wardrobes of very high quality and timeless clothing. They personalize their look with fabulous, high quality accessories. They wear unique and well-placed jewelry, beautiful purses, scarves, and fantastic shoes. They have sunglasses perched on top of their heads holding back their long, flowing, wavy, locks of glossy hair.

Something else about stylish women—they always tend to be just slightly overdressed for any situation. They stand out because they pay close attention to every detail. They feel beautiful, confident, and sexy because they take the time and effort to look amazing everyday. It’s easy for a superstar with access to all the great designers and personal stylists. The rest of use must try to cultivate our own style. Which is, by the way, what really turns heads when you strut across the room.